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Fight the Good Fight

Making a difference the right way!!

By Edward B. Toupin

One of the most devastating effects on self-confidence is the feeling that there is no way out of a given situation. Many people feel that they should just accept and move on taking the burden of the situation with them. However, this can make you feel as though you are stuck, lost, and incapable of moving forward in life. It is not a matter of how the outside world is affecting you, it is a matter of how you deal with these situations.

--- Just a Touch ---

Sometimes we run into issues that require some finesse and fortitude to conquer. Such situations can range from blatant illegal activities to negligence and unethical behavior. But, in today's society, the rule is if you can fool the people and get away with it long enough to make it to the finish line, then the action is acceptable.

Many organizations do indeed get away with various illicit and unethical actions because they're betting on the fact that, by the time they're caught, no one can do anything about it. Or, they're betting on the fact that their intimidation factor will prevent people from doing or saying anything.

On the other side of the fence is the legal system and politicians, which make things so ridiculously difficult that they hope that the complainant simply gives up and moves on to other things. Barriers and mazes are purposefully constructed to dissuade people from pursuit of resolution.

There are so many situations worthy of a good fight! Right? Well, not exactly. You have to learn how to play the right way to win the good fight and live a calm and fulfilling life.

--- What's a Good Fight ---

Before you try to put up a massive frontal assault against a situation, try to determine if the fight is even worth the effort. Sometimes, if you fully analyze a situation, you will see that the situation will falter and fail all by itself. If you take a day or two to think about the issue at hand, you may find that, in most cases, the fight is just not worth the time or effort.

We were always told by our parents, teachers, and other authority figures that "fighting is bad". This is one of those things that shape some people to become doormats and others to become powerful. So many people are afraid to question authority because they have been trained to believe that, regardless of the actions, then indeed the choices of the "noblemen" are correct and beneficial. However, some of those actions and choices may actually adversely affect you and your group. In such a case, it is time to question the decisions and motives of the "noblemen".

What defines the difference in how this is translated has to do with being able to differentiate between "a good fight" and "a bad fight". Of course, I am not speaking of taking someone out in a parking lot and physically beating them --- that is out of the question! What I am talking about is selecting a point of principal and ensuring that your voice is heard.

What exactly is a good fight? It is one that makes a difference in your life or emblazons a new trail for others based on moral principals. On the other hand, a bad fight is anything else! A good fight is a mission that can resolve an issue or change the course of your life and positively affect your community or group. It is an act with meaning and conviction. To define an absolute is left up to you as you are the only one that knows what it is that is important to you.

A bad fight is anything that has to do with someone else's issues. If you find yourself fighting for another individual on an issue that either means nothing to you or has nothing to do with you, your group, or your community, then you are wasting your time. If the result of any fight does not yield something of benefit or is not based on an ethical or moral principal, then don't waste your energy.

--- Playing Tennis ---

If you've found your fight to be beneficial and a "good fight," then put on your shorts and prepare to play tennis. Realize that if you use this approach to handle any meaningful issue and you present yourself well, then you can do battle with anyone from the local bum all the way up to government officials. It has to do with playing fair and trying to make the other side miss.

The best way that I've found to fight battles is to play "virtual tennis." Not a literal game of tennis, but a back-and-forth game with my opponent. I view all battles as a situation where I serve, then they hit the ball back, each time trying to make me miss the ball so that they can have their turn to serve or win a point. By applying the game of tennis and taking the game in stride, you will not get upset and you will be able to handle any lob or slam that your opponent hits at you.

--- The First Return ---

Always realize that when you serve, the first return from your opponent will be a slam. They will do their best to test your skill by trying to shut you down through intimidation. If they can send you a lob or slam that ball to you in such a way as it scares you or makes you feel off-balance, then they will win the match.

Take a moment and analyze the situation. Ignore the emotions of their first return and refocus the game. Don't slam them back, simply return their balls in a fashion that conserves energy and does not get you upset. The point is that you want them to reveal all of their strengths and weaknesses as soon as possible and an immature or overzealous player will always do so.

Essentially, they will try to make you feel in the wrong, feel stupid, or feel intimidated. When they do this, let it ride and realize that this is the first return from anyone who knows how to play. If their initial return doesn't satisfy your issue, your return should be to ignore the initial serve, reissue the initial demand, and try a different serve.

Realize that it is never a good tactic to play in anger as it not only wastes precious time and energy, but it is also what the opponent is trying to get out of you. If they can anger you, then they can throw you off and win the game. It's harder to play when you're mad. Not to mention, when you're angry, you tend to do stupid things and end up becoming the "clown" of the match.

--- What's next? ---

If you can't settle a situation through a standard deliberation, and you feel that the situation warrants a "good fight," then do it right and play tennis. If you attempt to present a massive frontal assault at the beginning, then you've shown all your cards and you expend all of your energy and options. In the end, you can't win and you end up looking like the fool. Take your time and serve carefully. Return each volley in stride and make your opponent run for the ball. Eventually they will tire or find that they can no longer keep up with you. In that case, you have the opportunity to win!

Relax and realize that if there wasn't conflict in life, then you would be doing nothing. Not only will this comforting gaming approach to battles calm your nerves and reduce stress, but it will also provide more positive results and allow you to look better and feel better in the long run.